Forgive and forget
But forgive yourself FIRST!
If you’re one of those who like to think you’re ambitious and therefore, overzealously still, fill your already crowded plate with cuisines that you don’t fully understand, or even like, for that matter, and yet again feel buckled under your own pressure thereby crying, literally or figuratively, in the middle of the week-
Then this post is for you!!!!
The ups and downs in the mood these days is directly related to how much we tend to expect from ourselves and how much leeway we tend to provide ourselves. As you have already guessed, I am most inspired by myself and this mystical mind I carry, I’m sure I’m going to make you feel at home.
Had I not left a cosy and comfortable job in an institute with security and God-like surgical department to take a leap of faith and start in a new city, I wouldn’t have known that people are absolute bastards. Selfish and obnoxious bastards. I was dejected immediately. But then, I’m also a Mumbaikar, so I learn. I learn not how to be obnoxious but how to deal with them. How to make my peace with them and to put myself first. But this is so much work! You gotta be good and bad, Sita and Gita, and that’s just as painful as filing your tax returns on the last day of submission without an accountants help! Which reminds me, tax filing is going to be a pain this year. So many boxes to tick!
Had I not invested in a ridiculously expensive fitness tracker (no points for guessing), I wouldn’t be forced to indulge into the nitty-gritty of the detailed analysis of my day, right from my movements to my sleep. And what I found was probably not so profound to the world, but it was for me, that my movements, sleep pattern and my mood were so closely linked to each other that now I brought on another stressing factor in my head; trying to tick all the boxes. Now i spend days on end tracking my sleep, waking up and analysing my sleep pattern, the number of times I woke up, and why; the number of calories I’m burning, the amount of time I spend in the pool, the number of laps of 50metres, the number of strokes per lap and the time I take per lap; my step count; my weight training; my calorie intake and the list is endless! It all circles back to me not sleeping well at night because I have too many boxes to tick.
When these boxes aren’t enough, I have to introduce myself to further stresses like writing absolutely unnecessary exams and pondering why I don’t play guitar anymore or write poems! I loved writing. What the hell happened? That’s another box to tick! I’ve got more boxes to tick than Amazon can ever provide.
Why is this so?
I feel we are forced into believing, by ourselves more often than not that in order to lead a life of fullness, there are certain boxes to be ticked. When these boxes had illegitimate babies and a litter of boxes came up to fill my already tiny attic of a brain, I’m clueless.
I’m not here providing a one stop solution to this population explosion of your self generated boxes. All I’m trying to say is, take a breather. Take one step back. One step back does not mean no movement, and believe me the tracker records it as movement nevertheless. This step back is essential for you to look at your life with a panoramic. The box in your face may or may not be the most pressing need of thee hour to tick.
One word: TRIAGE!
Green- these are things you can push back by a few days and completing them or stressing about them is an inessential expenditure of your mental energy at the moment. These boxes go at the back of your atttic. Like my tax filing.
Yellow- these are things that need the next best attention once the first line boxes are ticked. These boxes stay on the floor. These include my travel preparation in the next month.
Red- these are things you do now! Like the unnecessary exam I signed up for, my health both physical and mental.
Black- these are things that were supposed to be done, were not done, now you regret it but can’t do anything about it. So why stress? This includes all the academic work I wanted to do in the past 6 months and didn’t do. In trauma terms, black is dead. Leave it.
So cut yourself some slack. Take one step back. So what if you couldn’t tick a few boxes today. It’s just another day. You’ll live!
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